So it was brought to my attention that my last post reeked of white guilt. Let me just clear something up. That wasn't exactly what I was getting at. It was more a class guilt than race thing. I saw privilege working between myself (as an American citizen and not as a 'white person') and Aniqa's family/friends and between them and the 'average' Bengali. It's not that race doesn't play a major part but it does so in a different way, and not one that I'm entirely 'guilty' about.
What I am upset about (that could manifest as guilt) is nationality as a general concept. Like, why the hell do we even do that at this point in time? Isn't it time we stopped managing where people are allowed to go based off of where they are from. It just seems to me like everyone should be able to go wherever, if they want to. Or maybe if we focused more on catering to what people want as their way of life in their home 'nation' and less on simple trying to keep others who strive for an "improved" way of life out, we'd be more successful as a society.
I'm not really sure, but I'm just rambling. So I'll get back to Part II of my introspective psychoanalysis...
Now, a bit about race. I know that being white in Asia makes you stick out like a sore thumb, but I'm used to that. When there is little racial diversity (I know there is actually quite a bit but it's not exactly visible) it's easy to pick me out of a crowd. Although I have an easier time blending in because of my height, coloring, and general understanding of Indian culture (not that I'm claiming it in any way as my own), I am still only 'passing' in the instances when I am mistaken for an Indian (which happens surprisingly often).
This whole idea of 'passing' is a tough concept for me, mostly because it hits so close to home. I kinda feel like I am constantly 'passing'. In the states (western world) I 'pass' as American. It's not that I am not 'Merican', it's more that my cultural background contains more experience outside of the States, which is unrecognizable simple by appearance. I literally grew up outside of the U.S. Yet, when I am in India I also don't quite fit.
It's an odd feeling to never quite feel like you belong in a culture. I don't think I am fully comfortable anywhere, which manifest in a need to belong everywhere (at least for me). I always strive to find what I identify with, wherever I am. I think this is my way of accepting my chameleon-like abilities. If I am capable of 'passing' why not embrace that function and use it to my advantage. So I seek out anyways I can feel as if I blend in, even if that is not the case at all.
It sometimes is even fun to just drop the information about how much I actually don't fit peoples preconceived notions and see the reaction. For example, in New Zealand we were at these hot springs in Rotarua and I was having this conversation with some local. He decided he was going to try and be clever and guess my name. He landed on Alexandria (cuz he thought it must be something abnormal or exotic...). To his amazement it was abnormal but much more so than his initial idea. At one point in this conversation (which was more of a guessing game on his part) he tried to analyze who I was and decided I was an average American girl (or something of that nature). I proceeded to let him know that I lived in India for six years and am Sikh. Mind. Blown.
This sort of thing happens everywhere, often, and with multiple races, ethnicities, and cultures. I've learned to just laugh it off, but that is my usual coping mechanism when I simply don't know how to deal with a situation. I'm sure at some point (just like this privilege dilemma) I'm going to have to more properly evaluate my jumbled up identity but that seems like too much work at the present moment. Also, the universe hasn't given me a direct reason or need to do so. Thus, it shall happen later... If at all.
I know I said I'd talk more about my touristy adventures but I wasn't finished letting you all into my head for a bit. I promise PROMISE next time I'll give you an India play by play. Maybe even some funny anecdotes.
What I am upset about (that could manifest as guilt) is nationality as a general concept. Like, why the hell do we even do that at this point in time? Isn't it time we stopped managing where people are allowed to go based off of where they are from. It just seems to me like everyone should be able to go wherever, if they want to. Or maybe if we focused more on catering to what people want as their way of life in their home 'nation' and less on simple trying to keep others who strive for an "improved" way of life out, we'd be more successful as a society.
I'm not really sure, but I'm just rambling. So I'll get back to Part II of my introspective psychoanalysis...
Now, a bit about race. I know that being white in Asia makes you stick out like a sore thumb, but I'm used to that. When there is little racial diversity (I know there is actually quite a bit but it's not exactly visible) it's easy to pick me out of a crowd. Although I have an easier time blending in because of my height, coloring, and general understanding of Indian culture (not that I'm claiming it in any way as my own), I am still only 'passing' in the instances when I am mistaken for an Indian (which happens surprisingly often).
This whole idea of 'passing' is a tough concept for me, mostly because it hits so close to home. I kinda feel like I am constantly 'passing'. In the states (western world) I 'pass' as American. It's not that I am not 'Merican', it's more that my cultural background contains more experience outside of the States, which is unrecognizable simple by appearance. I literally grew up outside of the U.S. Yet, when I am in India I also don't quite fit.
It's an odd feeling to never quite feel like you belong in a culture. I don't think I am fully comfortable anywhere, which manifest in a need to belong everywhere (at least for me). I always strive to find what I identify with, wherever I am. I think this is my way of accepting my chameleon-like abilities. If I am capable of 'passing' why not embrace that function and use it to my advantage. So I seek out anyways I can feel as if I blend in, even if that is not the case at all.
It sometimes is even fun to just drop the information about how much I actually don't fit peoples preconceived notions and see the reaction. For example, in New Zealand we were at these hot springs in Rotarua and I was having this conversation with some local. He decided he was going to try and be clever and guess my name. He landed on Alexandria (cuz he thought it must be something abnormal or exotic...). To his amazement it was abnormal but much more so than his initial idea. At one point in this conversation (which was more of a guessing game on his part) he tried to analyze who I was and decided I was an average American girl (or something of that nature). I proceeded to let him know that I lived in India for six years and am Sikh. Mind. Blown.
This sort of thing happens everywhere, often, and with multiple races, ethnicities, and cultures. I've learned to just laugh it off, but that is my usual coping mechanism when I simply don't know how to deal with a situation. I'm sure at some point (just like this privilege dilemma) I'm going to have to more properly evaluate my jumbled up identity but that seems like too much work at the present moment. Also, the universe hasn't given me a direct reason or need to do so. Thus, it shall happen later... If at all.
I know I said I'd talk more about my touristy adventures but I wasn't finished letting you all into my head for a bit. I promise PROMISE next time I'll give you an India play by play. Maybe even some funny anecdotes.
To some extent, your comment about managing where people are allowed to go, is addressed in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (see Articles 2 and 13): http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/
ReplyDeleteAnd? I agree!
It's addressed 'in theory' but a lot of things that theroetically are not a problem tend to materialize in some form or another.
DeleteAlso! (I should have read your whole post before the above comment, haha!) You are a third-culture kid, as are pretty much all the MPA and prior "India kid" crowd: https://www.facebook.com/denizenmag So embrace it and enjoy, sweets!
ReplyDelete